I wanted to say a public thank you for all of the support...near and far, in person and virtual. Following my last post, which clearly struck a chord with so many of you, I received lots of notes and emails about the topic of parenting "failures", rough times, fears and regrets. I also received lots of feedback on forgiveness, acceptance, changing of expectations, and navigating the path back to centeredness (is that a word?). Thank you. Thank you for all of it. Your feedback confirmed for me my decision to share those thoughts despite any intial doubt I had about doing so.
It was clear from your messages, that my post brought forth different feelings in everyone...vindication, relief, concern, utter confusion, self-reflection...and others which I won't ever know. Regardless of what my words may have conjured up for you, they gave me a peace that I wasn't fully expecting. My decision to enter the blog confessional was far more cathartic than I would have imagined. While that post had been written in my head for weeks before I shared it, actually putting the words on "paper" was freeing. As my dear friend, Amy, would remind me, journaling is valuable for a reason. And as it is with so many other things, once you put it out to the universe, it begins to change.
In the weeks following that post, Mommy has returned. I can see the beauty in the chaos once again. The breathing is easier and the patience reserves are refilling. Don't get me wrong, it's still not all "sunshine and roses" (as mama Julie put it) it's just a better kind of tough. All the triggers and buttons are still there and still being pushed. I have simply been reminded of the me that knows it won't break me. The me that can take it in stride. The me that knows there is room for error (and it's okay) AND room for improvement. And the me that knows the stakes are too high and time is too short to settle for parenting (or anything else) that just doesn't feel good or right. Thanks for the reminders.
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3 comments:
I love what your own mom wrote to you.
Full circle. It all comes full circle and one day your boys will be reminding you of how wonderful a mama you were to them. :hug
It sounds like you're doing much better. You're always in my thoughts.
Hug my grandbabies for me, then hold them an extra couple of seconds and feel the hug from me. It is always there whether you think you need it or want it :) Much love to all of you, hope to see you soon.
Love, Mom
*just remember Motherhod is always a roller coaster, from the moment you know you are pregnant, you will NEVER stop being a Mom and you have to learn to deal with the good, the bad, the ugly, the joy, the hurt, the sheer happiness of just being someone's Mom to the rip your heart out pain of being that same Mom. But you just hold on tight to the fact that your love for them will never change. Their show of love to you will change time and time again, but you just hold on with all your strength and know that you have done the best you could every day and that whatever they have done to hurt you, deep down they still love you and know you will always be there for them. "Motherhood, the best job in the world and the job that hurts the most but you would not change it for anything else in the world!" Always happy and proud to be YOUR Mom!
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